Day 5 – Exploring my Progress

Today I am challenged with reviewing my progress so far and assessing whether I’m really getting vulnerable with myself. I feel a little bit like I got to cheat yesterday because I only had a few plans on my calendar and each of them got pushed back for different reasons outside of my control. All I had to do was go along for the ride.

I dropped my kiddo off at his weekend job (pet sitting for a friend of mine) later than planned because the person employing him (my friend) had car trouble and was delayed. This delay gave us time to go for lunch together, which worked out because my kiddo hadn’t eaten anything before leaving to go to work and was hungry.

After taking my friend to pick up her car at the autobody shop I headed over to a different friend’s house to work with them on a project. We had a lively conversation about the horrors of Australian wildlife as we stood outside, under the protection of her covered front porch to watch the afternoon summer storm move through town.

My spouse’s flights were pushed back multiple times, leaving him stranded at the airport for most of the day but he was able to get on a standby flight which got him back to Wichita around 8pm instead of the last flight of the night coming in at 10pm. This impacted me because I was the person who agreed to pick him up when he got home.

I’m going to make a controversial statement: I enjoy taking people to the airport and picking them back up when they return. It brings me joy to help get someone to where they are headed, airport drop off included, and I love to be the person who welcomes a traveler home.

My goal of putting my phone down when hanging out with my kiddo has gone well so far. On one occasion, I intentionally put my phone in my bag and left it hanging on a chair back on the other side of the room. On another occasion, I asked my son to look something up online as we were talking so I didn’t pull my phone out and then get distracted by all the metaphorically shiny things contained within the device.

This week, my primary hurdle has been accomplishing the initial two challenges. As part of the prework, I was tasked with envisioning my desired destination in ten years, embracing a positive outcome. Although that aspect wasn't too challenging, what truly struck me was the realization that the fear of rejection has shaped my life, causing me to evade risks and only confront the unknown when circumstances force me to do so.

I’ve been taking baby steps to embrace the unknown by saying yes to any request that would normally give me pause. An example of this is when my son asked me if we could get Starbucks after we were done shopping at the secondhand store on day two. I knew I had a little bit of money left on my Starbucks card from a Christmas gift, so I said, “Sure.” This response surprised my kiddo since I have been very money conscious for the past several months. It’s growth, one day at a time!

Stock image provided by Unsplash.